30 Things About Me: What's So Hard About Growing Up?

One of the questions on my "About Me" page is "What’s the hardest part of growing up?" I think the hardest part about growing up is realizing that your life is never going to be perfect. When you're little you have all of these hopes and dreams of what life could be. I wanted to be a famous singer when I was little, even back then I knew that was very unlikely, but it was still my dream. Then there are things that children don't view as dreams, but instead they see them as facts of life. When I was little I thought, "I'm gunna get married, have kids, be a stay-at-home mom, and live in this perfect little house, complete with a white picket fence." Those are the dreams that get taken for granted. As kids, we just assume that's how everything works. The hardest part about growing up is realizing that it's not.

I have been married 10 years, and haven't been able to have kids yet. I should've gone to a doctor 5 years ago but didn't. Now I am starting to get answers, but they're not necessarily ones that I like. I feel like I have lots of things wrong with me, and I feel broken. I know, that are so many women who have fertility issues; I'm not alone. I also know that I should have patience because I am just starting this process, but it is hard. I want to just have a pity party, and honestly I kind of am. Luckily I have a supportive husband. He is very optimistic, which is unusual because usually I am the optimistic one - and I'm definitely NOT right now. It's nice to have such support behind me, because I have been a wreck lately.

Another thing that is hard is to not blow up at people because they constantly complain about their lives. You know, the life that you want but can't have. I know some people who complain about their kids all the time, and it is very hard for me to keep my mouth shut. I do, most times, but it is hard. I wish everyone could see the blessings in their lives (myself included) because even though life is not perfect we all have blessings.

So here is a fact of life: Life is not perfect. It never has been, and it never will be - I just have to learn to accept it.

Jessy

Things I Want To Say, But Can't....

Dear Student,
Contrary to your belief, the world does not revolve around you. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't barge into my office without asking if I'm busy, and just start talking. And it would be really nice if I could go to the restroom without you stopping me at the restroom door to ask me about my calendar. Seriously, you think I have my appointment schedule memorized?! For the second time, please send me an email!!!!!!! >.<
Signed Your Frustrated Adviser

PS...If you catch me on my way out the door again, and I have to ask you a third time to send me an email...I might not be nice about it.


To my online Literature Professor, regarding this assignment:
"Write to me about what you have learned concerning the construction, variety, evaluation, and enjoyment of poetry..."

Wait, what? You mean I was actually supposed to learn something during this unit? Why didn't you give me other things to read besides poetry?! Like you know, things about the construction of poetry...Now I get to write 300-400 words about how I learned absolutely nothing. Can I just write that over, and over? I learned absolutely nothing, I learned absolutely nothing...


I'm sure there will be more to follow....
Jessy :)

Musical Monday: All of Me by John Legend

Welcome to Monday! I have had this song stuck in my head for the past two days, so I thought I would share it with you. I've been listening to Pandora while I'm at work, and this popped up on my Lifehouse Station - I love it, and I hope you do too!




Jessy <3

P.S. Lindsey Stirling is amazing! If you haven't already, you should check out her YouTube Channel

Ramblings About Seasons

If you've been following my blog, you might know that I'm taking a personal writing class this semester, and I'm really enjoying it. Personal writing means more time spent writing in my journal. I have been encouraged to just write down all of my thoughts, without removing my pen from the paper, so that is what I've been doing. The following is an entry, or at least part of one, that came out of my writing practice. I was really missing seasons that day, and still am. A high of 92 is NOT acceptable for the end of October.

"I miss the days when I lived in a place with actual seasons. Arizona has two seasons, summer and cooler summer. It is September now and the fall weather would be heading our way. I miss the crisp air in the morning, the pumpkin patches, scarecrows, frost on your windshield, and dew on the morning grass. I miss the smell of apple cider that seems to follow you wherever you go. But most of all, I miss the leaves changing color. They are so beautiful. They change from green to yellow, to red or brown. The crisp crunch under your boots. Fall is a time filled with boots, and scarves, witches and ghouls. I love Halloween with all of its mystery. The dark, chilly nights, jack-o-lanterns, and black cats. I long for those days again. I wish I could capture that, put it in a bottle, and save it for a day when I need it the most.

The endless sun wears on me, don’t get me wrong the sun is great. But only when there is bright green grass, and the smell of watermelon in the air. I long for dreary days. Days with never-ending gray clouds; days that make me long to drink cocoa and bake cookies. The never-ending sun takes away all those desires. I miss the snow and the days where the streets were quiet because every snowflake muffled the air and the sounds. I remember those childhood days well. Sitting over the heater vents, and watching the snow fall quietly to the ground. Those were the peaceful days when you never left the the house because you didn’t want to disturb the beauty."

What's your favorite season, and what do you enjoy most about it?

Jessy <3

Epigraph

For my Personal Writing class this semester I was asked to write an epigraph. An epigraph is the quote that is found at the beginning of a book. It shows a little insight into what's in the story or conveys some of the writers emotions. This was hard for me because I have been so down lately, everything that I was writing was so depressing. lol That is until I decided to write about a quote from my favorite book. :) 

Here is what I turned in as the epigraph to this moment in my life.

“When you think things are bad,

when you feel sour and blue,

when you start to get mad...

you should do what I do!

Just tell yourself, Duckie,

you're really quite lucky!

Some people are much more...

oh, ever so much more...

oh, muchly much-much more

unlucky than you!”

―Dr. Seuss, Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?

Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are is my all-time favorite Dr. Seuss book. Whenever I mention it to anyone they look at me and go, “Huh, what book?” I don’t think I’ve ever found anyone who’s heard of it before, but it is the best book ever! You know Dr. Seuss his books are full of tongue-twisters and are fun to read but this one has the best message to tell you. You go through the book and read about all of the horrible things that the people in the book have to endure, and then the quote above is the very last page. After everything is said and done, you are one of the luckiest people alive.

I have been having a very hard time lately remembering that I am the luckiest person alive. I have been depressed and had pity parties over the past few months. Whenever I do, I know it’s time to pull out the old trusty Dr. Seuss book and remember that my problems aren’t the worst in the world. Even some of the characters in the book have it worse off than me.

I am trying very hard to find myself right now. My life is not playing out as planned and I feel like I’m running out of time to accomplish some of my goals. Deep down I know I’m not running out of time but you know how it is, the little kid in you is looking at your life and thinking, “That’s not what I dreamed about when I was five.” Life has a funny way of playing tricks and getting in the way of your dreams sometimes. However, in the end, you are still the luckiest person just because you’re you. 

What's your epigraph? What quote lifts you up when you are down? I'd love to know. 

Jessy <3